The idea of raising a child can be stressful from time to time especially if you have recently become a parent. I know that it sounds even more stressful to do it totally on your own.
Being a single mother on top of it? I can feel your worries because in today’s world, being a woman is hard enough and when being a single mother added on that, it is even harder. But wait! As always, there is a way to achieve your dream of leaving a wonderful piece of you in world.
You just need to believe in yourself, be aware of your situation, problems, roots of these problems and the opportunities that you have. After examining them, you should be calm, determined, patient and have a plan to overcome them.
After my examinations on the worries of the single mothers around me, I have created a list for guiding you to solve the problems that you might have during such a challenging process so that you can identify your problems and step into action more easily.
Work on Budget Allocation
The first thing that you start to think about is probably the financial difficulties of being a single mother. Your life changed by the divorce, so did your budget. It might have decreased to its half or less and you might need to nurture your child with your lower income. Also, you are required to meet the needs of the child’s health care, school and insure.
The main question is ‘How to afford the life that you want to provide your child?’ And the answer is ‘You should immediately start saving.
Your child and you should decide on your primary and secondary needs. For that, you should organize a financial plan for your home. Also, you should take the future into consideration and try to save money for the needs that might get larger as the time passes. Furthermore, you can teach your child how to get by as a model.
Establish Social Relations
As John Santrock stated in his research, the most common contemporary nonnuclear family structure is the one-parent family headed by either never-married or divorced parents. Twenty-three percent of families in the United States are headed by single parents, a percentage higher than all other countries. (2001)
However, unfortunately, today’s modern societies still have stigmatization about single mothers. You should be strong against the pressure of the prejudiced society. In every culture, so many people tend to judge single mothers based on their little information that they obtained somewhere uncertain.
Nonetheless, remember that they do not know you or your story; that’s why there is no need to be socially isolated. You should try not to hear their rumors. You just need positiveness to focus on. You can find friends like you and take/give some advice or have a heart-to-heart talk to encourage and support each other.
In fact, you can create a little society via social media or real contacts so that you can build relationships with other single parents like you to help each other. Time to time, you can take over child caring, so that you can have a rest when you have intense work environment.
Support Your Psychological Balance
You may face psychological problems because of feeling guilty most of the time. Nearly all single mothers think that they are guilty of getting divorced and they are the reason why their child has to live without a father. They might even feel ashamed when they need a support from care centers or babysitters.
However, you should remember that the quality of your parenting cannot be evaluated with these variables. It is important to highlight that you should be proud of yourselves because by raising your child alone, you make a huge
Furthermore, you should be aware of yourself and your process. You will gain more strength in time as you are in control of your and your child’s life by your decisions. It will make you feel comfortable and confident.
Seek for Help from People Around You
You should not hesitate to ask for any type of help. Every parent might need help time to time. It is normal that you, as a single mother should look for any support around you.
You should be aware of your sources that you can get help from. You should consider what type of help can you get from where. Firstly, you should search governmental support. The governments have
both moral and material
Moreover, you should not ignore the support of your relatives. You can find support especially the from elder people in your family who have plenty of experiences that they gained in their long lives such as practical solutions and details of childcare etc.
Create Quality Time
The time flies but leaves its shadow behind. Memories last forever so you should know the value of the time you have with your child. I suggest you think about creating quality time both for yourselves and for your child.
Spending Quality Time with Yourself
Firstly, you should spend quality time on your own, create a ‘me-time’ won’t make you selfish. Remember that it is to strengthen your relationship with yourself. I seem to hear your complaint like “What are you talking about? How can I think about spending quality time on my own even I cannot have a chance to sleep after intense work pressure!”
However, yes exactly what I mean is finding time to sleep. It is not only for you, but also for the benefit of your child. Please do not forget! If you are not a happy mother, you cannot make your child truly happy and provide a perfect life that you imagine for your child.
To do this, you should schedule a ‘me-time’ and spend your time wisely. You should consider even each little break as a chance to benefit. If you can, take a break and sleep, while your child is having a nap during the day. This small break will make your energy refreshed during the day. Let’s say, you can’t sleep for
Spending Quality Time with Your Child
The last but not least one is spending quality time with your child. It enables you to know and discover your child more. It enables you to understand his/her world, worries and find common points together.
For example, s/he will probably wonder about her/his father. Especially, when they start to go to school, they see their friends’ fathers, and they start to question their father. You should create an environment of trust and talk about his/her father with your child honestly.
Then, you can show him/her how a strong single mother can overcome the situations that are known as the man’s job. For example, if you notice that your child is interested in repairing, you can handle the repairing and maintenance works at home with the help of a little google search together. You can watch YouTube Channels to get used to these kinds of man stuff and be a role model for your child.
Bright Sides of the Life
When the things get worse, and you start to think about how the things are so difficult and you cannot continue like that, your brain should immediately send signals to warn you which make you turn to the positive sides of your life.
For instance, you and your child are healthy people now, you have room to stay and you have a budget enabling you to manage your bills or you have the kindest friend near you who is always ready to help you.
Moreover, you should turn the optimism into your lifestyle. You should focus on the positive aspects of your daily life routines and share it with your child. For example, while you are buying fruits from
As I listen from single parents, parenting solo and being a single mother can be a challenging but also rewarding experience. You can achieve your goal to raise a better kid by showing your child love, respect and trust, talking honestly and staying positive and calm, you can handle your stress and help your child thrive.
References
Jackson, A. P., Choi, J., & Franke, T. M. (2009). Poor Single Mothers with Young Children: Mastery, Relations with Nonresident Fathers, and Child Outcomes. Social Work Research, 33(2), 95-106. doi:10.1093/swr/33.2.95
Golombok, S., Zadeh, S., Imrie, S., Smith, V., & Freeman, T. (2016, June). Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4886836/