To start with, you are not the first one asking if you can literally be the perfect mother. Throughout the centuries many other mothers have asked exactly the same question. Just like you, they loved their children so much that they couldn’t stand any mistake that would make their children fail in life.
Mothers of the modern times are not different from them. The only difference between them may be the level of stress they experience. Does it really worth it? Do you need to force yourself to be a perfect mother? Is it even possible? Let’s look at it together.
You may have lots of questions in your mind: Will my child be healthy? Is he/she going to be successful or fail in life? What happens if he/she falls in love with someone who is toxic?
You are not alone! All mothers that I know have the same worries like you including my mother who I am most closely acquainted with. It’s not possible not to wonder the best formula for being a perfect mother. This being the case, I did a research in-depth and collected them in a list to
What I found is that if mothers try to be perfect, they directly harm their children because they prepare and offer a perfect life which does not exist in reality to their children.
They should give them a chance to face challenges that they may have in real life and learn how to cope with them alone. Therefore, there is no need to try to be a perfect mother as just being a good mother will be more effective.
In this article, you will see 10 ways that I compiled both from academic resources and practical pieces of information from mothers who have a wise head on young shoulders.
1. Do not Compare Yourself with the Others
Never compare yourselves to any other mothers. Just like our fingerprints, all of us are different and special, so our parenting styles also
Especially the mothers in social media raise the expectations so much in today’s world. However, please note that your life is special to you. You just need to ask yourself some questions such as ‘Does it really work?’, ‘Did I really reach my goal by doing this? etc. to do self-criticism.
2. Do Only Your Best
Perfectionism limits you because you cannot feel free with that set of mind. Trying to do your best, on the other hand, will give you the chance to refresh yourself. You must begin to compete only with yourself and try to get ahead of yourself.
When you feel stuck somewhere on the road to be a good mother, you should think that your children witness your process all the time. J
3. Take Good Care of Yourself
It cannot be ignored that taking care of yourself is also part of your motherhood. As mothers, you are so important for your children. They see you most of their time and make you their role model. You need to be a healthy, energetic and cheerful mother to make your child do so.
If you are not okay, you cannot help or support your child in terms of their needs. If you feel good and positive, your child also feels the positiveness in the environment and tries to be in a good mood.
Therefore, as a mother, you should spend time not only with your child but also on your own. Once you have the opportunity, you should make a good use of the time.
For example, when your child has a nap during the day, you should have a snooze or spend time for self-care. If you are strong, healthy and happy, your child becomes stronger, healthier and happier in the long run.
4. Use the Power of Minimalism
Remember your childhood when you could enjoy the little things a lot. You don’t have to buy an expensive or huge number of toys for your children. You should observe your child in order to learn their special interests and use them to make them happy.
Don’t try to purchase expensive items in their very early ages. You should use the power of minimalism when they have no special requests yet. If you make them get used to the precious toys in time, they will probably have difficulties in being satisfied in the future. Let them
enjoy the little things and feel free.
5. Build a Strong Relationship with Your Child
If you want to meet your child’s needs including physical, psychological and social ones, you should know your child better. As time passes, the needs of your child will change, and you should follow him/her without bothering.
The best way to follow them is establishing a strong relationship with the help of effective communication. You should be a good listener to understand their real needs.
If they don’t prefer to talk to you, you should be a good observer. Luckily, there is another way of communication which is called non-verbal communication. Their music styles, book preferences, and social activities that they choose will be the important clues for you to understand their world inside so that when they need any help or support, you can offer them easily.
6. Spend Quality Time with Your Child
Another way of knowing and following the progress of
The quality time should make you feel better because every member of the family probably has something to share and get some advice from the others in their lives so that you can highlight the importance of self-worth for each member.
7. Give Your Children a Chance to Find Their Own Way
Nobody wants to be led or directed by a person. Therefore, please try to not intervene with the preferences of your child. You should give him/her a chance to be different from what you want him/her to be as s/he should be aware of the fact that it is her/his life.
Thus, they can realize their individuality and take responsibilities about themselves. If you give them a chance to discover themselves, they will find their own way at the end that leads them to a happy life in the future.
8. Remember You are not a Robot, Focus on One Thing and Do It Well
I know that you have a dream about being the Super Mother. However, more realistically, you can’t do all the things such as house works, your profession, child rearing, cleaning etc. at the same time because as I stated before, you should also take care of yourself.
The best thing to do is to focus on just one mission and do it well besides the daily routines at home, like preparing a document for your interview in just an hour. Also, you can ask help from your child in household chores such as preparing the breakfast according to his/her age, for eaxmple s/he can count the knives and forks.
9. Give Meaningful Punishment Against Indiscipline
When things don’t go as planned, disputes with your child might start. In those times, you should be calm as an adult and as a mother, be a role model for your child because it is important not to take action without getting calmer.
After that, you should talk with your child about the behavior which doesn’t fit into the situation in terms of discipline. You should question the reason of those behaviors and try to understand the action because without understanding the reason of behavior, you cannot solve the problem exactly.
Then, you should decide on the punishment together. The thing that you should focus on is the relevance between the wrong behavior and the punishment. This helps your child to give a meaning to the punishment and understand his/her mistake and the outcomes of it easily.
10. Give Your Child a Chance to Experience the Failure
You shouldn’t forget that you cannot always stand by your child. If you want to do the best for your child, you should allow him/her experience both success and failure.
S/he should know that you always be there for him/her when s/he need help to feel secure. However, s/he should also learn to solve problems by themselves. As they get experience, they will improve themselves better in their lives.
With your hope, happiness, anxiety, fear and pride, you become a mother for a child and for the child, you mean everything. It is very normal that you try to be the perfect one; however, as time passes, you will realize that the perfectionism knocks you out.
Before harming you and your relationship with your child, you have a chance to change the direction to the positive. You only need to believe that being a good enough mom requires some clues that you can easily put into practice. Now, enjoy your time and motherhood with your child!
Henderson, A., Harmon, S., & Newman, H. (2015). The Price Mothers Pay, Even When They Are Not Buying It: Mental Health Consequences of Idealized Motherhood. Sex Roles,74(11-12), 512-526. doi:10.1007/s11199-015-0534-5
The Dangerous Cult of “Perfect Motherhood”. (2018). Retrieved from https://www.smith.edu/president-kathleen-mccartney/speeches-media/dangerous-cult-perfect-motherhood